I was talking with a friend this
weekend who is suffering from low
self-esteem.
After hearing the way this lovely
young woman was talking about
herself, so blind to her own beauty,
intelligence, and talents, I blurted out,
“You must begin to love yourself. You
have so much to offer.”
She looked at me with defeated eyes
and said, “How do I just love myself?
What does that mean?”
When your self-esteem is low, the
concept of loving yourself is
completely foreign. You see yourself as
lacking and unworthy and feel there’s
nothing to love. In fact, there seems to
be far more reason to loathe yourself
than love yourself.
Low self-esteem is a self-fulfilling
prophecy. The worse you feel about
yourself, the less energy and
motivation you have to do what it
takes to build your self-esteem around.
Your self-esteem continues to plummet
as your brain locks in on negative and
circular thinking, further entrenching
you in beliefs that have little or no
basis in reality.
Self-esteem improves by changing both
your thoughts and behaviors. You must
practice new thoughts and behaviors
until you begin to turn the tide of your
feelings about yourself. And you must
continue practicing them to maintain
a healthy love for yourself.
Here are 50 actions
for how to
improve your self-
esteem.
1. Become proficient at
something
When you practice and become skilled
at something you enjoy, your
increasing competency and the
discipline of practice will be a source
of pride and fulfillment for you.
2. Reclaim your integrity
If you are living outside of your
integrity, you will feel disoriented,
guilty, and drained. Define what
integrity means for you, and make the
necessary changes to live in
accordance with it.
3. Exercise
Exercise makes you feel better
physically, mentally, and emotionally.
It provides a sense of control over
your health and vitality.
4. Volunteer
When we serve and support other
people, we feel uplifted and valued.
We have found a way to show
empathy and connection through
service.
5. Take care of a pet
Pets offer unconditional love and
fulfill our longing for attention and
affection. Pets teach us compassion
and responsibility, taking the focus off
of our own problems.
6. Care about your
appearance
When you look your best, you feel
better. You project an outward image
of self-esteem and confidence — even
if you don’t feel that way. But when
you act “as if” you have self-esteem,
eventually your feelings will catch up.
7. Do something creative
Creative endeavors put you in the
“flow” state in which you are intently
engaged in what you are doing. It
stimulates the brain and potentially
leads you to a passion or avocation.
8. Heal past wounds
Past issues and traumas can keep you
trapped in low self-esteem. Seek the
support of a trained counselor to help
you heal the wounds of the past.
9. Plan something exciting
Plan for a trip or adventure so that
you have something exciting to look
forward to. Just the planning process
with make you feel engaged and
purposeful.
10. Have a change of scenery
Actually going on a trip, working from
another location, or spending time out
of your house will give you a boost of
energy and motivation.
11. Spend time with a friend
Good friends accept us as we are, love
us for who we are, and provide an
outlet for fun and companionship. Our
best friends are a reflection of the
good in ourselves.
12. Get clear on your values
Determine your core values in life, the
principles around which you want
your life centered. Examine your life
to see where you are not in alignment
with the values and make the
necessary changes to fix that.
13. Write down your
accomplishments
Think back through your life to all that
you’ve accomplished as a youth and
adult. List everything you have done
that you feel proud of.
14. Read something
inspirational
Read books and articles that uplift you
and make you feel positive. Stay away
from negative television programs,
web sites, advertising or anything that
reinforces a poor self-image.
15. Stretch yourself
Step outside of your comfort zone in
some way. Stretch yourself to try
something new, meet different people,
or approach a situation in an
unconventional way.
16. Take care of your
relationships
Focus your love, time, and attention
on the people you care about most.
Nurture your relationships and find
ways to communicate fully and enjoy
a richer experience with your loved
ones.
17. Teach someone
You have skills and abilities to share
with others. Teach someone who is
interested in learning. Offer your
knowledge and experience as a gift.
18. Practice affirmations
Keep an affirmation journal in which
you write positive, loving statements
about yourself. Repeat those
affirmations daily when you awaken
and before you go to sleep.
19. Challenge limiting beliefs
When you catch yourself thinking
negatively about your self-worth,
challenge the beliefs with evidence to
the contrary. Find reasons why your
limiting beliefs are untrue — or at
least not completely true.
20. Seek your life passion
If you have not found your life
passion, make time in your life to seek
it out. The process of having a goal to
find it will give your life a sense of
purpose.
21. Give and receive affection
Offer and receive physical affection
from family and friends. Physical
touch supports bonding between
people, reduces anxiety, improves your
mood, and creates connections.
22. Increase your standards
Begin to demand more of yourself in
various areas of your life. Challenge
yourself to do a bit better, go a bit
farther, behave more lovingly than you
have in the past. Set the bar higher,
and you will feel proud of who you
are.
23. Have a purpose
Start considering what your life
purpose might be. Why are you here?
What could be your legacy and how
can you make that a centerpiece of
your life?
24. Live in the right place
Are you living in a community or city
that makes you feel comfortable and at
home? Or are you living somewhere
that doesn’t reflect your values and
ideal lifestyle?
25. Let go of draining people
If there are people in your life who put
you down, drain you of energy, or take
advantage of you, begin to gently let
them slip from your life. Surround
yourself with loving and supportive
people who value you.
26. Network
Expand your network of friends and
associates to broaden your horizons
and create new life and career
opportunities.
27. Ask for forgiveness
If you have wronged someone, don’t
live with guilt or shame. Apologize,
make it right, and ask for forgiveness.
28. Pay off your debts
Living with debt can drain your self-
esteem and cause on-going anxiety.
Pay off your debts and begin to live
within your means.
29. Don’t smoke, drink too
much, or use recreational
drugs
All of these excesses are unhealthy,
make you feel bad physically and make
you feel undisciplined and dependent
on substances to soothe your emotions.
30. Create personal
boundaries
Know what your personal boundaries
are and how you will react when
people cross them. Don’t allow others
to take advantage of you or
manipulate you.
31. Be a mentor
Be there for someone who needs
support, leadership, and guidance.
Their respect will add to your self-
respect.
32. Slow down and simplify
An over-scheduled and complicated
life will lead to stress and overwhelm.
You have no time to make positive
changes in your life that help
build self-esteem. Begin to clear things
off your to-do list and simplify all
areas of your life.
33. Detach from the opinion
of others
When you worry about what others
will think of you, you never feel free to
be yourself completely. Begin making
choices and decisions based on what
you want, not what you think others
want for you.
34. Stop gossiping
Gossip may be momentarily powerful
and thrilling, but it leaves you with a
residue of distaste for yourself. Make a
point to stop gossiping.
35. Be an initiator
Don’t wait for others to make the
plans, call the shops, or come up with
the ideas. Be the initiator, the first
responder, the one who takes charge.
Practice this even if it feels
uncomfortable at first.
36. Learn to manage anger
Anger is often a response to feelings of
low self-worth and despair. Find
appropriate outlets for your feelings.
Express them to a supportive person
before they turn to anger.
37. Embrace failure as part
of growth
Shift your thinking about perceived
failures. See them as a necessary part
of growth and learning. Failures are
evidence of effort, and you always
learn something from them.
38. Stop over-thinking
Jump off the gerbil wheel of repetitive
thoughts that percolate constantly in
your brain. Instead, take some kind of
positive action that is distracting and
worthwhile.
39. Eliminate time-wasting
behaviors
Find productive, creative, life-
affirming ways to spend your time,
rather than watching endless hours of
TV, surfing the net, or playing video
games.
40. Be willing to ask for help
Asking for help and support isn’t a
sign of weakness. It’s a sign of
determination and courage. Asking for
help means you are ready for positive
change.
41. Be honest with yourself
and others
If you are living a lie, telling yourself
or others stories about who you are
and how you feel, you are entrapping
yourself in unhappiness. You must be
authentic and accepting to open your
heart to self-love.
42. Stay focused on the
present moment
It is the only reality. When the past
and the future feel painful, focus on
the task at hand and do it with your
full engagement.
43. Practice gratitude
Every day, write down encouraging
words and all that you feel grateful for,
all of your blessings, all of the people
whose lives have touched you in a
positive way.
44. Shift from an inferiority
mentality to an equality
mentality
Stop comparing yourself to others and
measuring your worth against what
they might have and you don’t. View
everyone you encounter as your equal
and your potential friend, regardless
of their station in life, appearance, or
intelligence.
45. Keep learning
View yourself as a life-long learner
and approach all things with a
beginner’s mentality — open, eager,
and willing to learn.
46. Re-frame fear
Begin to shift the feelings of fear to
energy for change. When you feel fear,
use this powerful emotion to take
action on something positive and
forward-moving.
47. Redefine success
What is success for you? Is it wealth,
power, or possessions? Begin to view
success in terms of fulfilling
experiences, loving relationships, and
meaningful work.
48. Set small goals
Every day, set one or two small goals
for yourself that are non-negotiable. At
the end of a year, you will have
achieved more than you ever expected.
49. Study personal evolution
Become a forever student of personal
growth and self-improvement. Read,
listen, study, and learn about how to
live with emotional intelligence and
maturity. See personal evolution as a
life-long journey.
50. Give away love
Never hesitate to show your love, even
if you’ve been hurt by love in the past.
The move love you give away, the
more it comes back to you. Start with
yourself. Begin to love yourself the
way you would love your best friend
or sibling.
Self-esteem often takes practice and
commitment. You must value the
importance of feeling good about
yourself, having self-worth and being
comfortable with who you are. The
alternative is staying stuck in
depression, unhappiness, and negative
thoughts.
Begin to practice self-esteem fostering
thoughts and behaviors. Start acting as
though you believe in yourself and
love who you are even if your feelings
haven’t caught up. Give yourself
legitimate reasons to feel proud,
accomplished, and worthwhile through
learning, personal growth, goal-setting
and achievement.
Once you accept the unique perfection
of who you are and what you offer the
world, you will find that you are more
deserving than anyone of your own
weekend who is suffering from low
self-esteem.
After hearing the way this lovely
young woman was talking about
herself, so blind to her own beauty,
intelligence, and talents, I blurted out,
“You must begin to love yourself. You
have so much to offer.”
She looked at me with defeated eyes
and said, “How do I just love myself?
What does that mean?”
When your self-esteem is low, the
concept of loving yourself is
completely foreign. You see yourself as
lacking and unworthy and feel there’s
nothing to love. In fact, there seems to
be far more reason to loathe yourself
than love yourself.
Low self-esteem is a self-fulfilling
prophecy. The worse you feel about
yourself, the less energy and
motivation you have to do what it
takes to build your self-esteem around.
Your self-esteem continues to plummet
as your brain locks in on negative and
circular thinking, further entrenching
you in beliefs that have little or no
basis in reality.
Self-esteem improves by changing both
your thoughts and behaviors. You must
practice new thoughts and behaviors
until you begin to turn the tide of your
feelings about yourself. And you must
continue practicing them to maintain
a healthy love for yourself.
Here are 50 actions
for how to
improve your self-
esteem.
1. Become proficient at
something
When you practice and become skilled
at something you enjoy, your
increasing competency and the
discipline of practice will be a source
of pride and fulfillment for you.
2. Reclaim your integrity
If you are living outside of your
integrity, you will feel disoriented,
guilty, and drained. Define what
integrity means for you, and make the
necessary changes to live in
accordance with it.
3. Exercise
Exercise makes you feel better
physically, mentally, and emotionally.
It provides a sense of control over
your health and vitality.
4. Volunteer
When we serve and support other
people, we feel uplifted and valued.
We have found a way to show
empathy and connection through
service.
5. Take care of a pet
Pets offer unconditional love and
fulfill our longing for attention and
affection. Pets teach us compassion
and responsibility, taking the focus off
of our own problems.
6. Care about your
appearance
When you look your best, you feel
better. You project an outward image
of self-esteem and confidence — even
if you don’t feel that way. But when
you act “as if” you have self-esteem,
eventually your feelings will catch up.
7. Do something creative
Creative endeavors put you in the
“flow” state in which you are intently
engaged in what you are doing. It
stimulates the brain and potentially
leads you to a passion or avocation.
8. Heal past wounds
Past issues and traumas can keep you
trapped in low self-esteem. Seek the
support of a trained counselor to help
you heal the wounds of the past.
9. Plan something exciting
Plan for a trip or adventure so that
you have something exciting to look
forward to. Just the planning process
with make you feel engaged and
purposeful.
10. Have a change of scenery
Actually going on a trip, working from
another location, or spending time out
of your house will give you a boost of
energy and motivation.
11. Spend time with a friend
Good friends accept us as we are, love
us for who we are, and provide an
outlet for fun and companionship. Our
best friends are a reflection of the
good in ourselves.
12. Get clear on your values
Determine your core values in life, the
principles around which you want
your life centered. Examine your life
to see where you are not in alignment
with the values and make the
necessary changes to fix that.
13. Write down your
accomplishments
Think back through your life to all that
you’ve accomplished as a youth and
adult. List everything you have done
that you feel proud of.
14. Read something
inspirational
Read books and articles that uplift you
and make you feel positive. Stay away
from negative television programs,
web sites, advertising or anything that
reinforces a poor self-image.
15. Stretch yourself
Step outside of your comfort zone in
some way. Stretch yourself to try
something new, meet different people,
or approach a situation in an
unconventional way.
16. Take care of your
relationships
Focus your love, time, and attention
on the people you care about most.
Nurture your relationships and find
ways to communicate fully and enjoy
a richer experience with your loved
ones.
17. Teach someone
You have skills and abilities to share
with others. Teach someone who is
interested in learning. Offer your
knowledge and experience as a gift.
18. Practice affirmations
Keep an affirmation journal in which
you write positive, loving statements
about yourself. Repeat those
affirmations daily when you awaken
and before you go to sleep.
19. Challenge limiting beliefs
When you catch yourself thinking
negatively about your self-worth,
challenge the beliefs with evidence to
the contrary. Find reasons why your
limiting beliefs are untrue — or at
least not completely true.
20. Seek your life passion
If you have not found your life
passion, make time in your life to seek
it out. The process of having a goal to
find it will give your life a sense of
purpose.
21. Give and receive affection
Offer and receive physical affection
from family and friends. Physical
touch supports bonding between
people, reduces anxiety, improves your
mood, and creates connections.
22. Increase your standards
Begin to demand more of yourself in
various areas of your life. Challenge
yourself to do a bit better, go a bit
farther, behave more lovingly than you
have in the past. Set the bar higher,
and you will feel proud of who you
are.
23. Have a purpose
Start considering what your life
purpose might be. Why are you here?
What could be your legacy and how
can you make that a centerpiece of
your life?
24. Live in the right place
Are you living in a community or city
that makes you feel comfortable and at
home? Or are you living somewhere
that doesn’t reflect your values and
ideal lifestyle?
25. Let go of draining people
If there are people in your life who put
you down, drain you of energy, or take
advantage of you, begin to gently let
them slip from your life. Surround
yourself with loving and supportive
people who value you.
26. Network
Expand your network of friends and
associates to broaden your horizons
and create new life and career
opportunities.
27. Ask for forgiveness
If you have wronged someone, don’t
live with guilt or shame. Apologize,
make it right, and ask for forgiveness.
28. Pay off your debts
Living with debt can drain your self-
esteem and cause on-going anxiety.
Pay off your debts and begin to live
within your means.
29. Don’t smoke, drink too
much, or use recreational
drugs
All of these excesses are unhealthy,
make you feel bad physically and make
you feel undisciplined and dependent
on substances to soothe your emotions.
30. Create personal
boundaries
Know what your personal boundaries
are and how you will react when
people cross them. Don’t allow others
to take advantage of you or
manipulate you.
31. Be a mentor
Be there for someone who needs
support, leadership, and guidance.
Their respect will add to your self-
respect.
32. Slow down and simplify
An over-scheduled and complicated
life will lead to stress and overwhelm.
You have no time to make positive
changes in your life that help
build self-esteem. Begin to clear things
off your to-do list and simplify all
areas of your life.
33. Detach from the opinion
of others
When you worry about what others
will think of you, you never feel free to
be yourself completely. Begin making
choices and decisions based on what
you want, not what you think others
want for you.
34. Stop gossiping
Gossip may be momentarily powerful
and thrilling, but it leaves you with a
residue of distaste for yourself. Make a
point to stop gossiping.
35. Be an initiator
Don’t wait for others to make the
plans, call the shops, or come up with
the ideas. Be the initiator, the first
responder, the one who takes charge.
Practice this even if it feels
uncomfortable at first.
36. Learn to manage anger
Anger is often a response to feelings of
low self-worth and despair. Find
appropriate outlets for your feelings.
Express them to a supportive person
before they turn to anger.
37. Embrace failure as part
of growth
Shift your thinking about perceived
failures. See them as a necessary part
of growth and learning. Failures are
evidence of effort, and you always
learn something from them.
38. Stop over-thinking
Jump off the gerbil wheel of repetitive
thoughts that percolate constantly in
your brain. Instead, take some kind of
positive action that is distracting and
worthwhile.
39. Eliminate time-wasting
behaviors
Find productive, creative, life-
affirming ways to spend your time,
rather than watching endless hours of
TV, surfing the net, or playing video
games.
40. Be willing to ask for help
Asking for help and support isn’t a
sign of weakness. It’s a sign of
determination and courage. Asking for
help means you are ready for positive
change.
41. Be honest with yourself
and others
If you are living a lie, telling yourself
or others stories about who you are
and how you feel, you are entrapping
yourself in unhappiness. You must be
authentic and accepting to open your
heart to self-love.
42. Stay focused on the
present moment
It is the only reality. When the past
and the future feel painful, focus on
the task at hand and do it with your
full engagement.
43. Practice gratitude
Every day, write down encouraging
words and all that you feel grateful for,
all of your blessings, all of the people
whose lives have touched you in a
positive way.
44. Shift from an inferiority
mentality to an equality
mentality
Stop comparing yourself to others and
measuring your worth against what
they might have and you don’t. View
everyone you encounter as your equal
and your potential friend, regardless
of their station in life, appearance, or
intelligence.
45. Keep learning
View yourself as a life-long learner
and approach all things with a
beginner’s mentality — open, eager,
and willing to learn.
46. Re-frame fear
Begin to shift the feelings of fear to
energy for change. When you feel fear,
use this powerful emotion to take
action on something positive and
forward-moving.
47. Redefine success
What is success for you? Is it wealth,
power, or possessions? Begin to view
success in terms of fulfilling
experiences, loving relationships, and
meaningful work.
48. Set small goals
Every day, set one or two small goals
for yourself that are non-negotiable. At
the end of a year, you will have
achieved more than you ever expected.
49. Study personal evolution
Become a forever student of personal
growth and self-improvement. Read,
listen, study, and learn about how to
live with emotional intelligence and
maturity. See personal evolution as a
life-long journey.
50. Give away love
Never hesitate to show your love, even
if you’ve been hurt by love in the past.
The move love you give away, the
more it comes back to you. Start with
yourself. Begin to love yourself the
way you would love your best friend
or sibling.
Self-esteem often takes practice and
commitment. You must value the
importance of feeling good about
yourself, having self-worth and being
comfortable with who you are. The
alternative is staying stuck in
depression, unhappiness, and negative
thoughts.
Begin to practice self-esteem fostering
thoughts and behaviors. Start acting as
though you believe in yourself and
love who you are even if your feelings
haven’t caught up. Give yourself
legitimate reasons to feel proud,
accomplished, and worthwhile through
learning, personal growth, goal-setting
and achievement.
Once you accept the unique perfection
of who you are and what you offer the
world, you will find that you are more
deserving than anyone of your own
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